How to Deal with Loneliness in College

Let's talk about the thing nobody warns you about before college: the loneliness.

Everyone tells you college will be "the best years of your life." You'll find your people. You'll have the time of your life. You'll build memories that last forever. And then you actually get there, and you're eating dinner alone in the mess hall, scrolling through Instagram, watching everyone else seem to have figured it out already.

If that's you right now — take a breath. You're not weird. You're not broken. And you're definitely, definitely not the only one feeling this way.

Why does college feel so lonely?

Here's what no one talks about: college is one of the biggest transitions you'll ever go through. Think about everything that changes at once.

You leave your entire support system behind. The friends you grew up with, your family, your neighbourhood, your favourite chai stall — all gone overnight. You've spent 17-18 years building a world around yourself, and suddenly you're starting from scratch.

You lose your childhood friendships (at least temporarily). Those friends you were inseparable from? Suddenly everyone's busy with their own new lives. Group chats slow down. Inside jokes don't hit the same on text. It feels like you're losing people you thought would be there forever.

There's enormous pressure to fit in — fast. From day one, there's this unspoken race to form friend groups. If you don't find "your people" in the first week, it can feel like you've missed the bus entirely. Spoiler: you haven't.

Social media makes everything worse. You're sitting alone in your hostel room, and your feed is full of people posting about their "squad" and their "core group" and their "college bestie." What you don't see: the person who posted that group photo also cried in the bathroom that evening because they felt like they didn't truly belong.

You might be in a completely new cultural context. If you've moved to a different state — maybe from a small town in UP to a college in Bangalore, or from Kerala to Delhi — you're navigating a new language, new food, new social norms. That's exhausting, and it can make you feel like an outsider even when people are being perfectly nice.

You're not broken — this is more common than you think

Here are some numbers that might actually make you feel better:

Over 60% of college students report feeling "very lonely" during their time at university. Among Indian students specifically, surveys suggest the number might be even higher — with nearly 7 in 10 students saying they felt isolated at some point during their first year.

Read that again. Seven in ten. That means if you're sitting in a lecture hall with 100 students, roughly 70 of them have felt exactly what you're feeling right now. The person sitting next to you who seems perfectly happy? There's a good chance they've had lonely nights too.

Loneliness in college is especially hard in India for a few reasons:

• The cultural shift can be massive. India is incredibly diverse. Moving from one state to another can feel like moving to a different country. Language barriers alone can make you feel isolated even when you're surrounded by people.
• Hostel life isn't for everyone. Sharing a tiny room with a stranger, communal bathrooms, mess food that doesn't taste like home — it all adds up.
• We don't talk about feelings easily. In many Indian families, emotional struggles aren't openly discussed. So when you're feeling lonely, you might not even have the vocabulary or the comfort level to express it.
• The academic pressure is relentless. Between assignments, labs, internship prep, and placement anxiety, there's barely time to build meaningful friendships. You're surviving, not thriving.

Yaar, this is normal. Painful, yes. But normal. And the fact that you're reading this article means you're already doing something about it.

7 things that actually help

Not vague advice like "just put yourself out there." Real, doable things:

1. Join one club — not five

This is the single most effective thing you can do. But here's the key: join one thing and actually commit to it. Don't sign up for seven clubs during orientation and never go back. Pick one thing you genuinely enjoy — a music club, a debating society, a sports team, a coding group, a drama club — and show up consistently. Friendship is built on repeated, unplanned interactions. When you keep seeing the same people, conversations happen naturally.

2. Sit next to the same person in class

This sounds ridiculously simple, but it works. Pick someone who seems approachable and sit next to them regularly. Over time, you'll start exchanging notes, complaining about the professor together, and before you know it — you have a friend. Proximity is one of the strongest predictors of friendship. Use it.

3. Say yes to one invitation per week

You don't have to become a social butterfly overnight. But if someone asks you to grab chai, go to a movie, or study together — say yes at least once a week. Even if you don't feel like it. Especially if you don't feel like it. You can always leave early if it's not your vibe, but give it a chance.

4. Call home — but not too much

Staying connected with family is important. A call to Maa or Papa can be exactly what you need on a bad day. But if you're calling home four times a day and spending every evening on video calls with your school friends, you might be using it as a crutch that prevents you from building connections where you are. Find a balance. Maybe one call in the evening, and then go hang out in the common room.

5. Explore your campus alone — and own it

There's a weird stigma around doing things alone, especially in college. Fight it. Go to the library alone. Eat alone sometimes. Walk around campus with your earphones in. When you're comfortable being alone, you radiate a different energy — and ironically, people are more drawn to you. Plus, you might discover your favourite quiet spot, and that becomes a source of comfort.

6. Volunteer for something

Whether it's an NGO, a college fest committee, or helping organize an event — volunteering puts you in situations where you're working alongside people toward a common goal. That shared purpose creates bonds faster than any icebreaker game ever could. Bonus: it also feels great to do something meaningful when your own world feels small.

7. Write about it

This doesn't mean you need to start a blog or maintain a fancy journal. Just open your notes app and dump your feelings. Write about your day. Write about what you're struggling with. Write about what you wish was different. Research consistently shows that expressive writing reduces feelings of loneliness and helps you process emotions. Try it for a week — you might be surprised.

What not to do

Just as important as what helps is knowing what makes loneliness worse:

Don't isolate yourself further. When you're lonely, the temptation is to retreat — skip classes, stay in your room, binge-watch shows all day. It feels safer, but it's a trap. Every day you isolate, it gets harder to come back out. Even if you just go to class and sit in the canteen for 20 minutes, do it.

Don't compare your social life to Instagram. We'll say it louder for the people in the back: Instagram is not real life. Those big friend group photos? Half the people in them barely know each other. That "couple goals" post? They probably fought right after taking it. You're comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. Stop.

Don't use substances to cope. It might seem like drinking or smoking is the easiest way to "fit in" or numb the loneliness. It's not. It creates dependency, worsens anxiety and depression, and the "connections" you make while intoxicated rarely survive the light of day. You deserve real friendships, not drunk ones.

Don't force friendships that don't feel right. Not everyone you meet will be your person, and that's okay. If a group doesn't feel right — if you have to pretend to be someone you're not to fit in — walk away. The right people will appreciate the real you. It just takes a little longer to find them.

When loneliness becomes something more

There's a difference between feeling lonely sometimes and being in a persistent state of loneliness that affects your daily life. Pay attention to these signs:

• You've been feeling sad, empty, or hopeless for more than two weeks straight
• You've lost interest in things you used to enjoy
• Your sleep has changed drastically — either too much or too little
• You're skipping meals regularly or eating way more than usual
• You're having trouble concentrating on anything
• You feel worthless or excessively guilty
• You've had thoughts of hurting yourself or that things would be better if you weren't around

If any of this sounds familiar, please reach out. This isn't "just loneliness" anymore — it could be depression, and it's treatable. You don't have to handle it alone.

Most colleges have a counselling centre — use it. There's zero shame in it. You can also talk to someone anonymously through Saraathi. We're here for exactly this.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please contact iCall (9152987821) or the Vandrevala Foundation helpline (1860-2662-345).

You're one conversation away from feeling less alone

Here's something we genuinely believe: loneliness isn't solved by being surrounded by more people. It's solved by being truly seen by even one person.

One real conversation. One person who gets it. One moment where you say "I'm having a tough time" and someone responds with "me too" — that's all it takes to crack the loneliness open.

College loneliness is temporary, even though it doesn't feel that way right now. A year from now, you might look back at this phase and barely recognise the person who was struggling to find their place. But you have to keep showing up — to class, to life, to yourself.

And if you need someone to talk to right now — someone who won't judge, who's roughly your age, and who genuinely wants to listen — Saraathi is here. Our peer supporters are young people just like you who understand what you're going through because many of them have been through it themselves.

You don't have to figure this out alone. That's literally why we exist.

Talk to a peer supporter on Saraathi — free and anonymous